Gosh, y'all!--I try so hard to keep a positive attitude (especially in my blog) but it's really hard sometimes! This has not been an easy road for me to travel and I often feel like I'm hitting potholes more often than not.
A couple of days ago, I really just wanted to give up and call the doctor to ask him to take the damn thing out! (keep reading, the ending is not quite as depressing as the beginning) At the time, I was looking over my stats for the last year and realized that I had lost a grand total of 3 lbs since January 1, 2011. I have been on a serious roller coaster with weight this year...from a high of 217 to a low of 198. I began 2011 at 209.8--two days ago I was 207.2. I have been so tight that I couldn't even swallow water and so loose that I could eat a full 3-course meal. I have exercised regularly and I have been a slug. I have had weeks where I drank over 64 oz water a day and weeks where I barely drank water at all. I have been all over the place this year!--and the net result was not good.
Too add insult to injury, about a week ago my band suddenly just slammed shut for no good reason. I was fine and then I was not. BAM! Because there were none of the usual triggers (not TOM, not a recent fill, no major stuck episode) it took me a day or two to realize that it wasn't getting better. Sometimes my brain is just stubborn like that. So, I was depressed about weight loss and felt like shite. And, I just did not have the mental energy to deal with it anymore!!! I wanted to give up.
I talked to my husband about it and we came up with a plan. Throughout this whole thing, we have been of the opinion that what is most important is being able to take my prescriptions and being able to get proper nutrition. So, as an experiment, I went to the fridge and pureed the crap out of leftover roast pork & veggies. I at a couple of spoonfuls and they went down. Not easily, but they did go down. I now have a refrigerator full of "baby food"--basically, I am going to continue to prepare healthy meals for my husband and just puree a portion for me. Some things taste better than you might think (the pork roast & veggies was quite good!).
I'm also being super conscious of water consumption. I certainly don't want to add dehydration to my list of troubles. And, viola! After a couple of days of babying my band, I am feeling better this morning. The coffee is gurgling, but it's going down. I can definitely feel my band (which is unusual), but it is not uncomfortable. AND--the scale registered 203 this morning!
And here's where I have the epiphany!--I can do this for a while if I need to. It's clear that my journey isn't the same as most others. So what if I have to eat pureed foods for a few weeks? I can do that if that's what it takes to be successful. I'm going to go back to a couple of my post-surgery cookbooks and prepare meals that will taste good whole for my husband and puree'd for me.
This new development isn't the end of the world--it is an opportunity for a new beginning!!!
Thanks for sticking with me.
Cheers!
