hanging in there...

My band is still really tight, but I've been focusing on working with it and being gentle and things seem to be working (gasp!).  I know...it only took me TWO YEARS to figure this out!  I'll probably go into this whole issue in more detail in the new year.  I think I'm in the midst of having another epiphany...

The numbers on the scale are finally going down again and it looks like I might make it out of the 200's by my birthday (Jan. 6).  Yesterday I weighed in at 201.4.

There is a lot going on in my head these days and I hope to get some of it on "paper" to share with you guys, but it will have to wait a week or so.  Real life is insanely busy this time of year and I want to do the posts justice.

Cheers to all for the New Year!

unexplained tights, mushies, depression, & finally heading in the right direction

Gosh, y'all!--I try so hard to keep a positive attitude (especially in my blog) but it's really hard sometimes!  This has not been an easy road for me to travel and I often feel like I'm hitting potholes more often than not.  

A couple of days ago, I really just wanted to give up and call the doctor to ask him to take the damn thing out! (keep reading, the ending is not quite as depressing as the beginning)  At the time, I was looking over my stats for the last year and realized that I had lost a grand total of 3 lbs since January 1, 2011.  I have been on a serious roller coaster with weight this year...from a high of 217 to a low of 198.  I began 2011 at 209.8--two days ago I was 207.2.  I have been so tight that I couldn't even swallow water and so loose that I could eat a full 3-course meal.  I have exercised regularly and I have been a slug.  I have had weeks where I drank over 64 oz water a day and weeks where I barely drank water at all.  I have been all over the place this year!--and the net result was not good.

Too add insult to injury, about a week ago my band suddenly just slammed shut for no good reason.  I was fine and then I was not.  BAM!  Because there were none of the usual triggers (not TOM, not a recent fill, no major stuck episode) it took me a day or two to realize that it wasn't getting better.  Sometimes my brain is just stubborn like that.  So, I was depressed about weight loss and felt like shite.  And, I just did not have the mental energy to deal with it anymore!!!  I wanted to give up.

I talked to my husband about it and we came up with a plan.  Throughout this whole thing, we have been of the opinion that what is most important is being able to take my prescriptions and being able to get proper nutrition.  So, as an experiment, I went to the fridge and pureed the crap out of leftover roast pork & veggies.  I at a couple of spoonfuls and they went down.  Not easily, but they did go down.  I now have a refrigerator full of "baby food"--basically, I am going to continue to prepare healthy meals for my husband and just puree a portion for me.  Some things taste better than you might think (the pork roast & veggies was quite good!).

I'm also being super conscious of water consumption.  I certainly don't want to add dehydration to my list of troubles.  And, viola!  After a couple of days of babying my band, I am feeling better this morning.  The coffee is gurgling, but it's going down.  I can definitely feel my band (which is unusual), but it is not uncomfortable.  AND--the scale registered 203 this morning!

And here's where I have the epiphany!--I can do this for a while if I need to.  It's clear that my journey isn't the same as most others.  So what if I have to eat pureed foods for a few weeks?  I can do that if that's what it takes to be successful.  I'm going to go back to a couple of my post-surgery cookbooks and prepare meals that will taste good whole for my husband and puree'd for me. 

This new development isn't the end of the world--it is an opportunity for a new beginning!!!

Thanks for sticking with me.

Cheers!

either i'm looking' good today...

...or all the male employees at Lowes are really bored!

attention all you TEXAS gals...

Anyone in/near Austin?  I'll be there this weekend--not sure what my schedule is like, but I'd love to meet for coffee if I find myself with some free time.

monday morning re-focus on tuesday...

Last week went pretty well.  Although I didn't lose weight, I did hold steady.  Although I measured everything, I found that I was pushing my band a bit beyond it's limits.  Also, I was running a fever yesterday and today I am TIGHT!!!  So, my focus this week:

1. Drink water!!! (minimum 64 oz)
2. Stick to liquids/shakes for Breakfast & Lunch--trying to calm down the tightness.
3. Put my fork down in between bites and... 
4. Chew!Chew!Chew!

this whole Secret Santa thing is the bomb!

I've been doing some Christmas shopping on Amazon lately, so it was no surprise when an Amazon delivery showed up at my door yesterday afternoon.  I was a little confused when I opened the box to discover the Jack Bishop cookbook that has been on my wish list for a while--the one that I haven't ordered yet!  Then I saw the note that it was from my BOOB(s) Secret Santa---woo hoo!!!

Also included in the package was this book by Laurie Notaro called "An Idiot Girl's Christmas."  I am not familiar with this author, but it looks like it's going to be a really fun read!

YAY for my two favorite things...books & cooking!!!

PS  Thanks Secret Santa!

forget the salmon, these greens rock!!!

The Recipe:  Broiled Salmon w/ White Bean, Kale & Bacon Ragout

The Results:

The salmon was fine...nothing special...just salmon (I thought the bacon grease might give it an edge, but it really didn't add anything as far as flavor.  I think olive oil in this case would have been just fine)

The greens & beans...AWESOME!!!  I used collards instead of kale, but otherwise followed the recipe exactly.  I cannot stress how incredibly satisfying this was.  And yes, there was bacon.  But, it was only 2 slices for 4 servings.  And, when you count bandster servings you come out with 1/4 slice of bacon per serving.  Not too shabby.

Did I mention it was good?--and easy?  I don't usually like winter greens, but the bacon & the beans temper the collards so that it is just a whole mess of yummy, winter-time goodness.

Check it out at www.finecooking.com

PS  This is 100% my very own (and very voluntary) opinion.  Fine Cooking is one of my favorite magazines, but they probably don't even know I exist and certainly didn't compensate me for this or any other recipe review.

"A" is for...

Awesome?
Amazing?
Admirable?
Awfully pretty?

Well, sure.  But mostly it's for

AMANDA!!!

Face-time is coming soon and I have a surprise for her (shhh...it's a secret).

Monday Morning Re-Focus...

Here's a review of last week's refocus:

1. Walk 1-2 miles EVERY day.
2. Measure everything (I've been eye-balling it up to now).
3. Drink 64+ oz water.
4. Morning & Evening house-keeping routines (when my house is in order it's easier to keep my mind in order).

I made progress on all of the goals, but I lost a little bit of focus toward the end of the week.  Nonetheless, you'll notice that my weight loss ticker went down! So, this week I'm keeping the same goals...hoping for 7/7 this time!

In other news, this is going to be a busy week!  

• We're having some pine trees removed from our front yard tomorrow (a couple of them are only staying up because they are leaning on some power lines).  
• We're having our carpets & upholstery cleaned on Thursday.  
• New carpet in the basement is coming on Friday.
• Somewhere in all of this we're having the water pipes in the crawlspace wrapped with insulation and a few other projects finished around the house:  new porch lights, repairing shutters, extra outlets in the kitchen, more insulation in the basement, storm door (with doggie door) for the back porch, etc.
• An old friend of Darrell's (and a new friend of mine) is visiting Tues/Wed.

And, most importantly...

• I'm getting face-time with Amanda tomorrow!!!

Cheers!

mid-week focus...

Just checking in on my Sunday refocus.  So far I have:

1. Walked 1-2 miles (Monday, Tuesday)
2. Measured everything (Monday, Tuesday & this morning--I even got out the Tbsp for the creamer in my coffee)
3. Drink 64+ oz water (Monday, Tuesday, 18 oz down this morning so far)
4. House-keeping routines (Monday, Tuesday, & this morning)

I am pleased.

Sunday night re-focus

Morning y'all!

I know it's technically Monday, but I'm doing my Sunday Night Re-Focus ala "Maria of the Velvet-y Voice."

This week's focus:

1. Walk 1-2 miles EVERY day.
2. Measure everything (I've been eye-balling it up to now).
3. Drink 64+ oz water.
4. Morning & Evening house-keeping routines (when my house is in order it's easier to keep my mind in order).

Cheers!

good news...

The swelling lasted for less than 24 hours!  I have been on liquids & mushies for almost a week.  Yesterday I decided to try taking my Lexapro in pill form...no problems!  I took my vitamins & supplements...no problems.  Tonight I even ate 3 oz. steak & 1/4 cup Brussels sprouts (I cooked the heck out of them so that they would be super-soft)...no problems!

and...cue swelling

The post-fill swelling has commenced on schedule.  My morning smoothie is going down s. l. o. w. l. y.  Water & coffee went down fine earlier.  As long as I can continue to get liquids down, I'm gonna hang with it for a while.  I have a fridge full of protein drinks and a freezer full of pureed soups...

Argh! Bah! & Harrumph!

Been on liquids since Sunday.  Only one slip-up (cookie dough yesterday).  Gained 2 lbs.  I have only three words...W.T.F?!

does cookie dough count?

Does cookie dough count as a "mushie"?

Just went to the grocery store...hungry.  BIG mistake.  Wound up buying chocolate chip cookie dough and eating some in the car on the way home.  So, by way of trying to make myself feel better about this episode, I have come up with the following pro/con list:

Pro:

1. I didn't eat as much as I would have a year ago--only 2 squares (<100 calories according to the package).
2. The rest went in the garbage can as soon as I got home.
3. It wasn't as good as I remember, so I probably won't be doing that again.

Con:

1. It was cookie dough
2. Now I feeling nauseated (which, could actually be a "pro" if it keeps me from doing this again).

quickie update & OMP3...

Things with me are holding steady.  Based on previous experiences with fills, today will be a good day.  I'm still on liquids and pudding and haven't experienced much hunger so far.  The liquid Lexapro isn't horrible and my Lunesta (sleep aid) is TINY!  I haven't even tried any other pills, yet--mostly vitamins & supplements.

In the past, the swelling has started on the 3rd day after a fill which would be tomorrow.  But, I'm due to start my (.) today...still don't know how that is going to affect things.

And now for Lap-Band Owners Manual Part 2!  

(personal areas of focus in blue)

"Lap Band [patients] who are most successful...are those that exercise regularly" 

PHYSICAL ACTIVITY

Your weight is a result of the balance between the foods you eat and the amount of calories you body burns in physical activity. As you lose weight after Lap Band surgery, you may find it much easier to get around. Take advantage of this new freedom! The more active you are, the more quickly you will lose weight.

1. Walk more. Walk the dog; go for a walk with a friend, a neighbor or the children. Walk whenever you can.
2. Take the bus or car less often.
3. If you take public transportation, get off a few stops early
4. Take the stairs instead of the elevators
5. Park your car far away at shopping centers and walk through the parking lot.
6. Take a "walking break" at work instead of a coffee break.
7. Do some yard work, gardening, or household chores that require brisk movement.
8. During foul weather, get exercise indoors at malls, schools, airports, etc.
9. Look for easy and fun new ways of exercising with your new body! … make a list of fun and exciting classes you might take, such as ballroom dance or water aerobics.
10. Check exercise videos out of the library and make note of some of the simpler toning exercises you could do. Plan a routine based on this.

it's sort of like a meal, right?

Calories: 210
Fat: 2g
Protein: 12g
Vitamin C: 50%
Calcium: 40%
Vitamin B6: 200%
Vitamin B12: 100%

fill update & OMP2...

The fill yesterday went off w/o a hitch.  Doc S put back in the .3cc that he took out last time ("shut it down" was his term) and then backed off a bit.  After a couple of barium swallows I left with .25cc.  Later in the afternoon I had a low blood sugar episode and was able to chug a small bottle of freshly squeezed apple juice--crisis averted!  This morning, I woke up with a grumbly stomach & felt ravenous.  However, a cup of coffee took care of that hunger.  Today will be my first day with the liquid Lexapro--it smells pepperminty.

And now for Lap-Band Owners Manual Part 2!  

I have taken the liberty of editing some of this document and have highlighted personal areas of focus in blue.

One of the most important components of Lap Band surgery is learning new eating habits. Trying some behavior modification techniques may help you increase your long-term success after the Lap Band.

Make food less visible in your home

• Store all food out of sight. Try to keep food off of the counters
• Put your favorite foods in hard to reach places
• When serving meals, keep pots or serving platters on the stove - not on the table
• Store leftovers immediately after meals or immediately throw them in the trash
  •  

Modify your food shopping habits

• Avoid grocery shopping on an empty stomach
• Make a shopping list and stick to it.
• Shop the walls. Avoid temptation by avoiding the aisles. Most whole foods are 
  • found along the perimeter of the store.
• Buy only the items that are necessary for you and your family

Slow your eating down

• Allow 30 minutes for mealtimes.
• Try eating with smaller utensils
• Take small bites and chew food to a liquid consistency before swallowing
• Savor each bite. Pay attention to flavors, textures and consistency
• Set your utensils down in between bites
• Make a reminder sign that says EAT SLOWLY to remind you to do so

Make eating an isolated activity

• Choose a spot at home just for eating. The best bets are the dining room or kitchen table.
• Make a rule to sit whenever you put something in your mouth
• Avoid doing other activities while eating.
• Avoid watching television while you are eating
• Relax while eating.
• Become aware of hunger and satiety prior to surgery as well as following surgery.

Plan ahead

• Plan what and how much you will be having for lunch or supper
• Many find it helpful to purchase a “cooler” or insulated bag for food transport and help in planning meals.

Cheers!

Lap Band Owners Manual Review (Part 1 of ???)

Thanks to the folks at Maine Medical Center for compiling such a great guide! 

(Personal areas of focus in blue)

"The surgery will help you to control the number of calories you consume by making it difficult for you to eat large portions of food at one time. IT IS STILL POSSIBLE FOR PEOPLE TO OVEREAT AND GAIN WEIGHT BY EATING AND/OR DRINKING HIGH CALORIE FOODS THROUGHOUT THE DAY.  This behavior is sometimes referred to as grazing. Try some of these eating tips to stay on track:

• Keep nibbling to a minimum: Continuous nibbling and snacking on high calorie foods and beverages can cause you to gain weight. Do your best to make healthy choices
• Don’t drink with meals: Drinking with meals flushes food through your band allowing you to eat more food faster. This means your brain never gets the message that you are full. This will cause weight gain.
• Be aware of why you are eating: Eating because of boredom, depression, anxiety, happiness or just something to do can result in weight gain. Some people also find it helpful to involve a therapist to help deal with an emotional dependence on eating.
• Keep a positive attitude: Permanent weight loss requires a change in food attitudes. Try to stay positive about making healthy food choices before, during and after your surgery.
• Special occasions: Holidays, vacations and social occasions can be very difficult situations when you are trying to lose weight. Your dietitian will work with you to tackle these difficult times head on.
• Stay active: Exercise burns calories, helps control your appetite and can relieve stress. Our experience with people who have had Lap Band surgery shows that those who are most successful at weight control are those that exercise regularly.
• Keep all of your follow-up appointments with the dietitian,social worker, nurse and physician. The people that keep regular appointments have the greatest chance of successful, safe weight loss and maintenance."

In other news, I have my fill @ 1:45pm today.  I will be on strict liquids for at least 1 week (Slim-Fast Low Carb shakes, My Own Morning Smoothie, Herbal Teas, etc) and on pureed foods for the week after--yep, I'll be eating soup for Thanksgiving. 

I picked up my liquid Lexapro yesterday.  Of course, I already have my Centrum Chewables.  PCP said that any other meds/supplements can be suspended for a week depending on whether or not I tolerate them after the fill.  Fingers crossed!

Cheers!

putting it in writing (edited)...

I had a bit of a reality check this morning--I have lost 6.5 lbs in the last 12 months.  That sucks!  Thank goodness I'm getting a fill tomorrow and already set out my plan.  Talk about needing to re-focus!

In the beginning, I said all the right things about "knowing it's just a tool" and "I don't expect the band to do all the work for me", etc.  But, I will admit that I actually expected that the band would to 99% of the work.  I thought I could just sit around and let it tell me what to do.  I was soooo wrong.

On the other hand, I still feel like I have made progress.  Think of all the weight I didn't gain!  Also, I've learned a lot about myself and have truly begun the process of changing the way I think about food.

And, I actually stopped hiding from the camera!  (I think I even posed..happily..on purpose a few times.)

PS  Because I don't like being a "Negative Nelly" I want to point out that I have lost 2 lbs this past week!  I also started walking every morning (1-2 miles).  Coincidence?  I think not.

i guess it's time to say it out loud...

...185.

That's my goal for my birthday (Jan 6).  It's not an i'm-a-failure-if-i-don't-make-it goal.  It's just a number for me to keep in my head...something to keep me motivated.  So, that's about 20lbs in 8-weeks.  I realize that it is an extremely aggressive goal and I did that on purpose.  I have discovered that when I set "realistic" goals, I don't put as much effort into it because I think that it's going to be easy.

So, how do I plan to reach this goal?  I'm so glad you asked:

1. Continue morning walks: focus on increasing both speed & distance.
2. Re-read my lap band "owners manual"
3. Meet with nutritionist.
4. Attend monthly in-person support group meetings:  this one will be brand new for me.
5. Work-out with PT at least 1x/week
6. Keep my fingers crossed that this next fill is "The One."

Cheers!

fill on monday & random thoughts...

...and I'll be only 2-days away from TCT (The Crying Time...OTR...TOM...take your pick).  I am curious to see if this affects things at all.

• The Hubs and I have taken a 1-2 mile morning walk for 5 out of the last 6 days!
• My top half is getting smaller...but my bottom half is getting bigger.
• I still haven't found my neck.
• This decorating stuff is FUN!--but expensive.
• Getting estimates for interior doors today.
• One of the pine trees in my front yard is being held up by the cable line.  I have a call into our tree guy to have it removed.
• Still procrastinating on scheduling the PT sessions I bought @ the gym.  I think it's because I didn't really click with the trainer they set me up with initially.  Perhaps I should make an appt. with a different trainer.
• Murphy and I just saw the neighborhood of wild turkeys run across my front yard.  The little ones are all grown up!

My neighbor got a picture of the turkeys.

i want...i want...i want...

A few more things on my wish list for decorating...

...of course, except for the lamps, I doubt I'll actually get any of it until next year.  But, it never hurts to be prepared for that one day when you actually win the lottery!

i love my doc...& a message for Tina...

Tina!--I can't comment on your blog.  Just wanted to say how excited I am about the progress you are making on your knitting store.

So, I told my doc how frustrated I was with my progress (or lack of).  I told him just what I told y'all...that I'm not perfect but that I feel like I make the right choices 90% of the time.  We chatted a bit, he asked some questions, looked at my chart and agreed that I was a little behind where he would like for me to be.  He then reviewed my history of fill/unfill and told me that, unfortunately, this would probably continue to be a more difficult time for me (as opposed to others) due to the swelling issues that I have post-fill.  

We talked in depth about the last unfill--which happened NOT because I couldn't' keep down liquids but rather because I couldn't get down my pills (specifically my "crazy" pill--Lexapro).  He did some checking and confirmed that Lexapro is available in liquid and suggested that I ask my PCP to prescribe it for me to take in the week or so after an adjustment.  He said that if I was willing, he would like to keep giving me "mini-fills" until I get to the point where I need to be to lose weight more comfortably and more quickly.  He also asked me to try to "wait out" the swelling this next time (assuming I get the liquid Lexapro)--even if it means liquids for a full week or two.  Of course, if I can't keep down liquids, I am to call him immediately.

We did discuss other options--converting to the sleeve (or bypass) or just accepting that I am where I am.  Since I have proven that I can lose (albeit slowly) with the lap band, we both want to continue with the fills for a while longer instead of giving up on the band altogether.

I love that my doc is able to be non-judgmental (I told him about the M-n-M fest in Monteray), supportive AND realistic.  I love that has patience with the process when I have run out.  I love that he believes I can do this and I love that he isn't afraid to push me.

Cheers!


PS  The curtains came today and they are even better than I could have hoped!  The colors are sublet, but perfect.  And, the linear design plays off of the area rug design nicely.  Plus, we have a lot of angular pieces in our house, so the wavy pattern really helps to soften the entire space.

doc visit today...

In about 2 hours I will be seeing Dr. Steinberg (LOVE him!) for a band checkup.  I have gained 3 lbs since I last saw him 2 months ago.  Admittedly, I have had a few slip-ups (anyone remember the M-n-M fest in Monterey?), but I am still frustrated.  I feel like I do things right the majority of the time but I am getting nowhere fast.  I don't even know if a fill will help.  Most of the time I can only eat about 3/4 cup servings.  I don't usually snack in between meals and I've even started exercising.  

In addition to just feeling sorry for myself, I'm also embarrassed (...mortified...ashamed...) to go into the office with a gain.  How do I explain that one? "Hi, I'm Lynda.  I have a lap-band and I'm such a piggie that I still managed to GAIN 3 pounds."  Blech!

OK, so that's my pity party for the day.  After Dr. Steinberg I go to the Red Cross to donate platelets, then to Whole Foods to pick up some more duck breast, drop off knives for sharpening @ Cooks Warehouse & finally to my sister's house to meet Noodle (their new dog)!

more home decorating...

Ordered drapes in this fabric from JCPenny (huge sale!!!)

PS  I'm officially in pre-NYE party home decorating mode.  You may see a lot of these posts in the weeks to come.  You have been warned...govern yourselves accordingly.

home decorating...woo hoo!!!

I got this today...

www.Pier1.com

And this...

www.Lowes.com

I already had this...

www.Pier1.com
In real life, the red is much darker--similar to the top one.

And, I want this...

www.Pier1.com

update on duck...

Amazing!  Even the hubs wants to have it again.  (and, it was VERY easy to prepare)

cooking outside of my comfort zone...

A few things you may need to know about me:

1. I love to cook.
2. I love to try new things.
3. I love duck.

A well prepared piece of duck is one of the most incredible things you could ever put in your mouth (no giggling here...this is a serious post).  It is meaty (like beef) and prepared properly is oh-so-moist with such a rich flavor!  An, it goes so well with Fall root vegetables & wild rice.  Mmmmmm...

Unfortunately, ordering duck in a restaurant is very much a hit-or-miss endeavor.  I had one of the most disappointing experiences with duck at one of the best restaurants in Atlanta.  I also had one of the best duck dishes EVAR at a little French bistro just outside of the Highlands.  

One would assume that it is difficult to cook...but all the cookbooks and magazines say it is easy if you know the right technique.  Apparently, most of the chefs in the US do not know this technique.  But, I digress.

The point of this post is that I love duck!  AND, I am cooking it!!  For the first time ever!!!  In my own kitchen!!!! Tonight!!!!!

Fine Cooking Magazine--click here for recipe

Wish me luck.

post-travel "tights"...

It seem that a lot of us bandsters get the "tights" (as our beloved Tina calls it) when we travel.  Alas, I am not one of those.  In fact, I am quite the opposite as I seem to be able to consume vast quantities of food whenever I am traveling.  A few examples from our recent trip:

• Pizza with crust?  Yep.  
• An entire sleeve of Nutter Butters? No problem.
• 3-course dinner, including dessert?  But, of course.
• All of these in the same day?  You bet.

However, I also have noticed a trend of my band completely shutting down within a week of returning home.  Two bites of oatmeal this morning went down just fine.  Then I was burping and squirming and panting trying to get the rest of it down.  I finally gave up.   Same with the leftover braised-beef stew I just tried to eat for lunch (it was very moist even re-heated).  

I was surprised to realize that I actually was not hungry anymore after just the two bites.  And, the two bites of oatmeal this morning did hold me for a little over 3 hours.  So, it's not that I think that I'm "too" tight, just that I'm WAAAAY tighter than I was just 3 days ago (and, it not OTR related).  

A similar thing happened shortly after returning from Chicago, so I'm thinking it might be a pattern.  We'll be having a long weekend in Austin in December--I'm curious to see if the "tights" hit me again when I get home.

 Anybody else get loose when they travel?  (and, I mean your band, not your morals)

things i learned on vacation (part 2)...

Lesson #3:
I like S'mores (yes, I am 40 years old and have never had a S'more until last week).  Thanks to my cousin-in-law Ashley for capturing this moment.

Lesson #4:
My husband is an excellent photographer (I already knew this, but some of his pictures still amaze me).  Seriously, how did he manage to make a common seagull so breathtaking?!?!