Ever since January, I've been fighting against a bout of depression. I've been unmotivated. My house hasn't really been clean. I've been doing the bare minimum to survive--washing just enough clothes to get buy for the next day; washing dishes as I need them; showering every 3rd or 4th day; etc. Just a few weeks ago I mentioned this to my husband. I suspected at the time that it had something to do with the lap-band & my weight and the fact that I am feeling uncomfortable in my own body.
Fast forward to earlier this week--Monday, to be exact. I met with my surgeon and got the process started for my conversion to the sleeve. More importantly, I discovered that the process should be fairly streamlined this time.
Fast forward again to Wednesday morning when I woke up with a spring in my step. I cooked breakfast and then started unloading the dishwasher. I washed a load of clothes. Then I dried them. Then I put them away. (did you hear that?--I put. them. AWAY.) A few hours later, the floors had been swept & the carpets vacuumed; empty boxes that were laying all over the house were broken down and put in recycling; 3 bags of garbage that had been sitting by the garage door were actually in the outdoor trashcan.
I did all of this without really thinking about it. It was just what I felt like doing! I used to do this all the time, but for the last 6 months it has been a real struggle to do anything. In fact, one day in May I realized that I had not showered in over 4 days (I hadn't even put on clean underwear). YUK!!!
My husband noticed my recent change in attitude this morning, (& not the fact that I hadn't changed underwear for 4 days back in May [thank god])--and he commented. We decided that it is NOT a coincidence that this change has coincided with the fact that I now see a light at the end of the tunnel in regards to my lap-band issues. Ever since my major un-fill on New Years Day I have felt a bit hopeless and, quite frankly, had given up--not just on the band, but on myself as well. I felt heavy both physically and mentally. I feel as though I have been muddling through my life with a lead blanket draped over my body. Now, that blanket is gone. I feel lighter in my mind and my body. (In fact, I have actually lost 3 lbs since Monday now that I'm eating real food and not existing solely on ice cream & other sliders).
For the first time this year, I am hopeful and (dare I say it?)...happy. :)
Cheers!
PS Stay tuned for my next post on how the Lap-Band is like shoes...
10 comments:
That is awesome...so glad to hear you are feeling more like yourself! I have been in that kinda funk before and it is such a horrible feeling.
I am so glad you have found the will to continue the journey!
You are so important, and deserve to feel better! You are worth it!
Hugs
Feeling like myself again is so accurate. In fact, my husband's exact comment was "welcome back, I've missed you."
I'm so happy you are doing better, Lynda. There always is a light at the end of the tunnel, but sometimes it is just hard to see. Please keep up updated with how things go and know you are never alone!! Much love and hugs!
Hooray :) I am so glad this new development is putting the bounce back in your step. Just a bit of sunshine is working out in this neck of the woods for me. I hope it keeps and upward trend for you!!
xxxooo
I know all too well exactly how you feel, unfortunately....and I am so happy your revision has been able to bring that hope back to you!!
I am sooo happy to read this. I've been thinking and worrying about you. xoxo
So good to read this and know you are feeling better!
glad you are feeling better, I can relate and I'm looking forward to feeling better again soon as well.
Is it still December?
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