I am compassionate...to a point. There comes a time, though, when we have to stop blaming everyone and everything else and accept responsibility. Not necessarily for whatever bad situation we're in, but responsibility for getting out. We can accept help (sympathy, charity, support, etc) from others. But, ultimately our lives are our responsibility and no one else's.
I have high standards and value personal responsibility. I hold myself to these (perhaps impossibly) high standards and I judge myself harshly. I judge others as well. I hold everyone to the same standards that I hold myself. And few of us measure up.
My house is usually clean. The dishes are washed and put away every day (at least once). I vacuum and sweep the floors every week (sometimes twice). I dust regularly. I pick up clutter daily. My pantry is neat and organized. I have an entire closet in my kitchen just for counter-top appliances (so that they don't junk up my actual countertop). My closets are spacious and orderly. My wood floors are beautiful. Our new carpet is oh-so soft and eco-friendly (made from 30% cornsilk fibers). My grass is full and green and neatly edged. My winter flowers are blooming and I even have fresh lettuce growing in the Aerogarden. Everything has a place. We had a New Year's Eve party and, instead of enjoying the compliments and being proud of my home, I was stressed--about the cabinet under the sink in the master bathroom. There were things under there that had not been sorted! I really was distraught at the time. Nobody but me even noticed.
It seems that other people don't judge me as harshly as I judge myself. People don't look at me and think, "Oh, Lynda would be so much smarter and fun to be around...except she's fat." They don't say to themselves, "I just met Lynda and I think I would like her...except she's fat." Nor do employers think, "Lynda is really good at designing the marketing signs in the library. I bet she'd be better at it...if she wasn't fat."
It seems that I don't really have anything to prove to anyone but myself. And I already think I'm fabulous! Well, except for being fat...
(I know it's not the way I should feel. But, it is the truth about how do I feel. And this blog is nothing if I don't tell the truth both to myself and to you. Don't worry--I'm working on it)
3 comments:
LOL, I can relate. I have loads of self-confidence but at the same time, I sell myself short all the time! Especially when it comes to my professional career. I don't think I am good enough or better than others...and so many people point this out to me, my dad, my boss, my friends. I don't know how to fix it!
You girls are beautiful and ARE definitely too hard on yourselves. Nobody is perfect, but as long as we all work hard everyday to be the best we can that's all we can ask of ourselves!
Tamara, thank you for the kind words. You're right--I just have to keep reminding myself of that.
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