i'm the biggest horse

The doctor who is supervising my 3-month pre-surgery diet (required by Aetna) asked me to make a list of 12 reasons I want to lose weight.  In coming up with this list, I was reminded of the time my husband and I went horseback riding at our favorite North Georgia campground--Trackrock Campground in Blairsville, GA.

The campground is bordered by National Forest on three sides.  There is a stable on the property and they offer guided horseback riding for campers (and lessons for the locals).  We've taken advantage of the horseback riding a couple of times.  Once you've signed up, they gather everyone outside the stable and bring the horses out one at a time to be matched up with their rider.  I'm always given the last horse...and it's always the biggest.  The first time this happened, I thought it was a coincidence.  But, the second time I paid more attention.  Sure thing--the little tiny people were given little tiny horses.  The larger people (usually the men) were given larger horses.  The really embarrassing part of this story is that, even though my husband weighed more than I did at the time, his horse was still smaller than mine.  Why?--because he's 6' 2" and doesn't look fat.

1. I don't want to be the biggest horse.
2. I want to wear clothes because I like them, not just because they fit.
3. My husband loves to take pictures and document our time together.  I (big surprise) always avoid the camera or make really ugly faces if I catch him photographing me.  I want to enjoy having my picture taken by my husband.
4. I am cute.  I am interesting.  I am confident.  I am smart.  I am witty.  I am vibrant.  I am stylish.--but, you'd never know any of this by looking at me.  I want the person I am on the outside to match the person I am on the inside.
5. My parents take 10+ pills a day.  They take pills for blood sugar.  They take pills for cholesterol.  They take pills for blood pressure.  They take pills for back pain, and foot pain, and knee pain.  They take pills to counteract the side effects of the other pills.  I want my vitamins to be the only pills I take.
6. Both my mother and my sister are cancer survivors.  I want to reduce my risk of getting cancer.
7. Although he's never once said anything derogatory about my appearance, I want to look good (and feel sexy) for my husband.
8. Have you ever noticed that when a thin person wears yoga pants and a t-shirt, they look cute & sporty?  But, when a fat person wears a similar outfit, they look sloppy and disheveled.  I want to "go casual" without looking frumpy.
9. Two years ago, my sister and I signed up to walk in the Breast Cancer 3-Day event here in Atlanta.  At the time, I could barely walk 5 miles--this event is 3 days @ 20 miles each day.  We followed a fairly intense 6-month training program and I still had to take the "injured" bus back to camp halfway through the second day.  I want to be healthy and in shape so that I can participate in charitable walking/running (gasp!) events without needing massive amounts of physical training.
10. Our 20-year class reunion was last October.  We didn't go.  My husband has his own reasons, but I didn't want to go because I was embarrassed about how I look.  I want to accept invitations to social events without feeling ashamed of my weight.
11. Lately, I've been wearing my super-duper-extra-heavy-duty sports bra everyday because it's the only bra I have that I don't have to tug on constantly.  Unfortunately, it's just not very flattering.  I want to be able to wear a bra that is attractive, flattering and comfortable.
12. We live less than 2 miles from Stone Mountain Park.  There is a 1-mile walking trail that goes to the top of the mountain.  Lately, whenever I mention climbing the mountain, people always seem to be skeptical about whether or not I actually can.  I want people to believe in my ability to do physical things.